Superhero Robinho flies into Santos
This was the week in which John Terry was very naughty boy, Arjen Robben was told to change his underwear, Guti became the best player in Spain, Robinho received a hero's welcome in Santos and Tim Cahill proved he was better than a flea.
Santos superhero flies into Brazil
Robinho threw off the Clark Kent disguise which he donned during his brief and underwhelming stay in the Premier League this week and returned to Brazil as Superman.
Despite his undoubted ability with a football, the two-time La Liga title winner opted to live as mere mortal at Manchester City, blending in with the local populace and refusing to use his powers to help his fellow players.
But upon his return to Santos, the glasses were removed and the red underpants donned as he literally flew into the Vila Belmiro stadium. Okay, so he may have needed a swanky helicopter and the hand of Pele to help him out, but it was equally impressive, if a little absurd.
Despite being labelled lazy and overrated in England, Robinho is a superhero at Santos. It is the club that launched his career, where he won the Campeonato Brasileiro in 2002 and 2004 and is just the place for the 2007 Copa America winner to recover from the effects of Eastlands' kryptonite.
"The Heel of God"
Real Madrid pretty-boy Guti reminded the world that he still occasionally plays football with a delightful back-heel that was declared the assist of the century and then labelled the Tacón de Dios (Heel of God) by the Madrid-loving media.
During Los Blancos' 3-1 win over Deportivo La Coruna, the enigmatic midfielder broke through on goal and when one-on-one with the goalkeeper opted to back-heel the ball into the path of Karim Benzema, who scored. It was a fitting piece of magic to break the curse of the Estadio Riazor, where Real had not won for almost two decades.
That one moment of skill also transformed the 33-year-old's standing in Spain from burned-out blabber mouth to possible World Cup hero. "If he continues this way he could be very useful in South Africa," claimed Marca.
Guti's selfless 'Heel of God' is well worth a viewing, but it wasn't that he just bottled out of taking the shot, was it?
Tim Cahill - better than a flea
Once Sky Sports' Minority Report-style transfer thingamabob was consigned to the scrap heap, the boffins in the graphics department must have really been at a loose end when they decided to fill their time by comparing Everton midfielder Tim Cahill to various animals.
The Australian midfielder produced another of his gravity-defying leaps to head Everton's late goal in the 1-0 win at Wigan Athletic and left manager David Moyes to simply state: "It's what he does - trademark Tim Cahill."
The 5'10" midfielder routinely out jumps much taller opponents to score vital goals and Sky produced a delightful graphic that compared the Aussie international's leaping ability to that of a flea, a monkey, a horse, a salmon and a gazelle, but bizarrely not a kangaroo.
Apparently, if Cahill was a flea he could jump over the Eiffel Tower, but as it turns out the midfielder is roughly on a par with a monkey; which is not the first animal that comes to mind when compiling a list of nature's best jumpers.
Terry scores away from home
He's not the England captain, he's a very naughty boy. Alleged love-rat John Terry might retain the armband for the time being, but with new revelations set to come to light in the UK press and a showdown meeting with England manager Fabio Capello on the horizon he may not have it for too long.
For those readers who have just returned from the moon, the news that has been splashed all over the newspapers this week is that the England and Chelsea skipper cheated on his wife, Toni, with Vanessa Perroncel, the mother of Wayne Bridge's child, and tried to prevent the story from coming out with a court injunction.
Perroncel has now employed publicist Max Clifford to help negotiate a hefty fee to tell her story/stories to the national newspapers. Clifford said: "I think her instinct is that she doesn't really want to say anything, but there is a huge amount of interest and she will make her mind up in the coming days."
It looks like there could be more bad news ahead for Terry, who already has a colourful history of misdemeanours that includes: being fined two weeks wages after a drinking session which culminated in the harassment of American tourists in the immediate aftermath of 9/11; being caught on camera urinating in pint glass while standing at a bar; being arrested, and cleared, of assault and affray; and apologising to his wife ("I really regret what I've done to Toni. I've misbehaved and slept with girls behind her back and that's not right. I'm not going to cheat on her ever again.") back in 2005, prior to their wedding.
Robben's longjohns under scrutiny
Footballers are a superstitious bunch; some wear the same socks every game, some tuck a trinket in their shorts for good luck and Bayern Munich's in form winger Arjen Robben has been wearing the same pair of longjohns since the Bundesliga's winter break.
Unfortunately for the hot shot Dutchman, who has scored six goals and provided four assists in 12 league games this season, his grey-coloured pantaloons differ from the team's red kit and he may have to ditch the lucky charms as they don't conform to Bundesliga rules.
The injury-plagued 26-year-old, who has been sporting the underwear to protect his muscles from the freezing winter, said: "They are not beautiful but they are functional. I'm an explosive player who must warm up well."
Bayern's sporting director, Christian Nerlinger, added: "The German federation want a single colour. We'll either have to dye them or he'll have to find another pair."
VT of the week
This week's video footage, brought to you by our friends over at 101greatgoals, is a shamelessly cheap laugh at a jobs-worth steward who falls over in pursuit of pitch invader following Notts County's 2-0 FA Cup giant-killing feat against Wigan Athletic.
After the final whistle at the DW Stadium, the League Two club's players embraced each other in the centre-circle to celebrate their tremendous achievement. In the midst of the excitement one cheeky County fan managed to race onto the pitch and attempted to join in the on-field celebrations.
Best of the rest