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Nov 20, 2009

Huntelaar joins Quaresma in the Golden Bin

This was the week in which fan power forced a player to quit in Argentina, a horde of wild boars attacked Newcastle's Tamas Kadar, Garry Cook admitted Manchester City are a comedy club, Robin van Persie opted for a placenta massage and the nominees for the worst player in Serie A were announced.

Beckham has the X-factor - Friday, November 13

Former doyen of fashion David Beckham now appears to be taking style tips from X Factor cult duo 'Jedward' and celebrated LA Galaxy's 2-0 play-off victory over Houston Dynamo on Friday by unveiling a new haircut inspired by the teenage twins.

Galaxy started the season with about as much chance of winning the MLS championship as dodgy vocalists John and Edward had of winning The X Factor but now both unlikely outcomes seem probable.

LA, along with Beckham and his 'Jedward' hairdo, are big favourites to win the MLS Cup against Real Salt Lake on November 22 and victory would provide the former England skipper with his first piece of silverware since heading to America in 2007.

And with Beckham's new barnet providing hair-raising support, Jedward might even win The X Factor.

Fans drive Gimenez out of club - Saturday, November 14

Tigre midfielder Matias Gimenez has been driven out of his club in Argentina by El Matador's own hardcore fans. Gimenez was accosted in the street on his way home and threatened with violence, saying the hooligans criticised his "attitude on the pitch".

The winger, who has been with Tigre since their days as a third division club, added: "We argued a bit and then something very nasty happened but I won't go into detail."

Whatever occurred was enough to persuade the 26-year-old to never represent the Primera DivisiĆ³n's bottom club ever again, although he will continue to train with his team-mates and seek a move during the next transfer window.

"I took the decision for the security of my family. They're everything to me and I don't want anything to happen to them," Gimenez said. "I have two children who really are worth more than a ball."

Toon striker in boar war - Sunday, November 15

Newcastle United starlet Tamas Kadar was shocked but unscathed after crashing into a "horde of wild boars" on his return from international duty with Hungary.

The Under-21 defender, who signed for Newcastle in January, was involved in a head on collision with the 18-stone beasts and, although the family car was write-off he, his father and mother all escaped without serious injury.

Sadly, it was bad day for the boar community. "Two of the animals died," Kadar's agent, Viktor Kovesdi, said. "Thankfully nobody suffered an injury, but the car was completely damaged."

Unfortunately for Kadas, he did suffer a rib injury during a clash with one of Italy's meagre, 12-stone Under-21s and will miss Newcastle's trip to Preston North End on Monday.

Eastlands comedy club - Monday, November 16

In a week when Carlos Tevez considered saying goodbye to Manchester City and football altogether, the 'Welcome To Manchester' billboard that heralded his arrival is still proving to be a source of mirth.

Seeking to defend the controversial poster, Eastlands chief executive Garry Cook inadvertently confirmed the age-old slur that City are a joke club when he said: "Comedy has always been at the heart of what this club is all about."

Maybe such an admission from the Premier League's club hierarchy was what prompted the Argentina international to reveal that he was considering hanging up his boots at the youthful age of 25.

"It crosses my mind to hang up my boots if we win the World Cup, although I have a contract [with Man City] until 2014," Tevez said. "I'm a bit tired of so much football, so much football. I'm very keen to stop and get a bit of calm. I've already won a lot. Living for football has saturated me."

Placenta rehab for Van Persie - Tuesday, November 17

In an era when football's prized-assets are kept in tip-top shape with cutting-edge technology, it's comforting to know that Arsenal star Robin van Persie is willing to head to Serbia to have horse placenta massaged into his injured ankle by a housewife in a bid to speed up his return to action.

You did read that correctly. Horse placenta. The Dutch striker damaged the ligaments in his ankle during Holland's friendly against Italy and has been ruled out of action for six weeks, but with the Gunners pushing Chelsea for top spot in the Premier League, the club's leading goalscorer is eager to get back into action ASAP.

"She is vague about her methods but I know that she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid," Van Persie said. "I am going to give it a try. It can't do any harm and, if it helps, it helps."

Svengali Mariana Kovacevic has already successfully healed Van Persie's former Feyenoord team-mate Danzo Lazovic.

Quaresma back in the bin - Wednesday, November 18

The short-list for the least coveted award in Italian football, the Bidone d'Oro, was released this week and, as a consequence, at least ten players will find new motivation to up their game as they look to avoid being dumped in the 'Golden Bin'.

Catersport's annual award for the worst player in Serie A, a mock version of the Ballon d'Or (Golden Ball), recognises calcio's worst performers during the calendar year and last term's winner, Chelsea and Inter Milan flop Ricardo Quaresma, is back among the ten contenders.

The shortlist for 2009 is as follows: Ricardo Quaresma (Inter), Christian Poulsen (Juventus), Amantino Mancini (Inter), Nelson Dida (Milan), Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (Milan), Julio Baptista (Roma), Juan Pablo Carrizo (Lazio), Felipe Melo (Fiorentina/Juventus), Tiago (Juventus) and Ronaldinho (Milan).

Previous winners of the Golden Bin include Rivaldo, Christian Vieri and Adriano. AC Milan duo Ronaldinho and Huntelaar are the leading contenders to scoop this year's gong.

Eboue: I want to be Eddie Murphy - Thursday, November 19

It seems that Emmanuel Eboue's predilection for becoming embroiled in various 'simulation' controversies during his Arsenal career could all be down to his desire to be an actor.

The Gunners star revealed this week that he dreams of becoming the next Eddie Murphy and gracing the silver screen when his football days are over.

"I love to watch the movies and I always say that after football I dreamed to be an actor," Eboue saidd. "I would like to be like Eddie Murphy, the comedian.

"I would love to be an actor in Hollywood and why not? I always try to make people happy."

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