Snow joke as window shuts
This was the week in which snow ruined the transfer window, well almost, Robbie Fowler moved Down Under and David Moyes was told to F*** off.
Berbatov to blame, says Comolli - Friday, January 30
If bad workmen blame their tools, then erstwhile Tottenham super scout Damien Comolli evidently thinks that Dimitar Berbatov is a tool and has blamed him for their current plight. Nevermind the fact that Comolli oversaw £170m worth of transfers in his three years at White Hart Lane, it's all the Bulgarian's fault for hanging around until the last day of the summer transfer window.
Granted Berba didn't give Spurs much time to spend the £30m they got for him, but the fact that new boss Harry Redknapp has spent most of his tenure trying to get rid of the players Comolli signed, or buy back the ones he sold, should tell you everything you need to know about how seriously to take his comments.
Faubert fantasy, VDS sets record - Saturday, January 31
You could have been forgiven for waking up on Saturday morning and believing it was April 1. After tracking the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Antonio Valencia, to solve their right-sided dilemma, Real Madrid picked up West Ham reject Julien Faubert on loan. The player himself reportedly thought it was someone playing a cruel, cruel practical joke on him and is probably still to be seen prancing around the Bernabeu continually pinching his right arm. That's if he hasn't already got himself injured.
Edwin Van der Sar must have been pinching himself too, after another clean sheet against Everton saw him set a new record of 1,222 minutes without conceding a goal. Sir Alex still seems to think there's a long way to go before the title can be put to bed, but with the likes of John O'Shea and Jonny Evans plugging the gaps for impenatrable United, they haven't even hit top gear yet.
Keane snubbed, Madrid lack sparkle - Sunday, February 1
The future of Robbie Keane was pretty much decided on Sunday morning as Reds' boss Rafa Benitez dropped him for the game against Chelsea. A ''non-story'', ''rubbish'' and ''a non-starter'' were just some of the ways Liverpool fans chose to dismiss this speculation that their £20.3m signing would be heading back to Tottenham. How wrong they would be.
A 2-0 win over Numancia and you're still not out of the woods. Well, not if you're Real Madrid that is. Honorary president Alfredo di Stefano clearly doesn't think much of the fact that Raul equalled his goalscoing record and criticised the team for ''not playing well'' and for ''lacking sparkle''. Short of auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing, bathing in a bath of sequins or getting their new kit sponsored by Mr Sheen, we're not sure what more they can do. Signing Julian Faubert is probably not going to do it.
Becks in, Kleber's woodwork, as snow holds up transfer day - Monday, February 2
Nevermind the fact that it is one of the busiest days in the football calender, David Beckham is going to be playing UEFA Cup football for AC Milan! The midfielder is ''indispensible'' apparently, and all his inclusion in their European squad did was add to speculation he'd be signing for the Italian side permanently. Which he may yet do.
Meanwhile, out in Brazil, Santos' Kleber let a black cat cross his path, broke a mirror AND was given the #13 shirt as he proved himself to be the unluckiest striker in the country as he hit the post four times in an incredible 13 minute spell against Ituano. His team-mates would do well to steer clear of him for a bit.
But the real news of the day was the SNOW! Ok, fine, it was transfers. But the snow played its part in delaying everything, and not just on the London transport network. No Faubert-like moves on Tuesday, but Robbie Keane did return to Tottenham, Ricardo Quaresma joined the Portuguese legion at Chelsea on loan and Andrei Arshavin nearly signed for Arsenal after flying himself in from Russia, but not quite.
Arshavin at Arsenal, Aguirre out of Atletico - Tuesday, February 3
In fact it was left until the following day to seal the deal for Arshavin, nearly 24 hours later, after the Premier League eventually ratified the transfer. The Russian's paperwork was apparently there on time, but everyone seems to think the Gunners bent the rules to bring him in. In actual fact any reports of lateness have stemmed from the fact it took a good few hours, and three men, to prise Arsene Wenger's wallet off him. Nothing to do with snow at all.
Meanwhile instead of signing new players, Atletico Madrid decided to sign a new coach, Abel Resino, and let Mexican Javier Aguirre go. Aguirre, who has helped turn the club into a formidable force in La Liga over the past few years, paid the price for a poor start to 2009. Seven games, five defeats and two draws is form that even Gareth Southgate couldn't survive.
F*** off Moyes, Fowler fury - Wednesday, February 4
People you don't want to annoy: Mr T, your postman and the bloke who calculates your tax. Add to that list your boss, and certainly not if that boss is fiery Scotsman David Moyes. Why then, would Victor Anichebe tell him, in no uncertain terms, to f*** off then? The Everton youngster has clearly gone mad, given the club's injury crisis could have offered him a run of first-team football if he hadn't opened his mouth. I pity the fool.
From the Premier League to the A-League in one quick step. No, not Anichebe, but Robbie Fowler who has been persuaded that the North Queensland Fury can offer him a good standard of football. Only 33, Fowler evidently views himself as a sort of Aussie David Beckham and his first season should prove interesting - as long as he doesn't get distracted buying up property on the Townsville coast of course.
ITV blunders, sock robbers and Becks' cards - Thursday February 5
Watching Liverpool v Everton on ITV in England? Miss the goal? Well, so did the rest of us as the shambolic coverage of England's finest Cup competition continued. Cutting to an advert break in the last two minutes of extra-time meant most of the country arrived just in time to see Dan Gosling celebrate his last-gasp goal. And it's apprently down to the fact that the channel is not prepared for football to overrun. Despite the fact they paid £275m for FA Cup coverage and have the Champions League on their schedule as well. Genius.
The derby was also interesting for the fact that the touchline was littered with socks. The reason? Hilarious Liverpool fans making light of Everton's currently stalled, but still technically proposed Kirkby move. And a reference to an obscure bit of local dialect that describes residents of Kirkby as ''sock robbers''. Go figure.
And finally, David Beckham has made it clear that he would be staying in Milan after months of speculation linking him with a permanent move to the San Siro. The world's favourite Spice Boy has apparently told Vicky to pack up her credits cards and prepare for life in Milan, but having brought in the lawyers to seal his move, it could be a while before anything concrete goes through. Watch this space.