• FT

    Azerbaijan

    0

    Wales

    1

  • FT

    Kazakhstan

    0

    England

    4

  • FT

    Slovakia

    7

    San Marino

    0

  • FT

    Macedonia

    0

    Norway

    0

  • FT

    Belarus

    5

    Andorra

    1

  • FT

    Finland

    2

    Liechtenstei

    1

  • FT

    Bulgaria

    1

    Rep of Ire

    1

  • FT

    Cyprus

    2

    Montenegro

    2

  • FT

    Lithuania

    0

    Romania

    1

  • FT

    Sweden

    0

    Denmark

    1

  • FT

    Croatia

    2

    Ukraine

    2

  • FT

    Serbia

    1

    Austria

    0

  • FT

    Albania

    1

    Portugal

    2

  • FT

    Iceland

    1

    Netherlands

    2

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING - UEFA

Ortalyk Tsentralnyi Stadium

Referee: K Jakobsson | Attendance: 23281

* Local time based on your geographic location.

0 - 4

FT

England

  • Gareth Barry 40'
  • Emile Heskey 45' +1'
  • Wayne Rooney 73'
  • Frank Lampard 78' PEN
  • 92'

    Anyhow, that's it from me - don't you go changing.

  • 92'

    So another win for England, although they didn't play especially well. The FA, on the other hand, did well in arranging the fixtures - a relatively easy one tonight and another in the week - at the end of the season, limiting the impact of player fatigue.

  • 92'

    FULL TIME: Kazakhstan 0 - 4 England

  • 92'

    Good block from Beckham to divert Kukeyev's shot. Kukeyev has been Kazakhstan's best player by a long way.

  • 90'

    Gerrard finds Rooney, he comes back inside his man onto his right foot, and has his shot saved by Mokin.

  • 88'

    Good effort from Kukeyev, but it's just wide.

  • 87'

    There's a pitch invasion going on, and the invader does well to evade one army member with a deft bodyswerve, but they've got him now. You get the impression that he may well be in for a hiding.

  • 86'

    Neat football between Gerrard and Lampard, but it comes to nowt.

  • 83'

    Kislitchin's shot is deflected, which takes all the pace off and makes it easy for Green.

  • 83'

    Rooney and Gerrard attempt some interplay, but it doesn't quite work.

  • 82'

    Free kick to the Kazaks, but Kukeyev's delivery is off this time. Goal kick.

  • 80'

    Defoe comes on for Heskey.

  • 80'

    Gerrard, who must fancy himself for a goal, races into space and hamers a shot high and wide.

  • 78'

    The hands are in the air and the Greek police are on the alert, as Lampard has drilled the penalty into the roof of the net.

  • 78'

    GOAL! Kazakhstan 0 - England 4

  • 77'

    Penalty to England. England could have had one earlier but got the ball back into the box, and Heskey is pulled down.

  • 76'

    Great skill from Gerrard, heading an airbourne ball over a defender, but his shot is blocked.

  • 75'

    Beckham racks up yet another meaningless cap, on for Johnson.

  • 72'

    The ball comes across, Rooney should score, but his knee is clawed away by Mokin, and from the rebound, the assassin-faced baby hooks a brilliant effort into the far corner.

  • 72'

    GOAL! Kazakhstan 0 - 3 England

  • 71'

    The ball breaks to Rooney in the box and with no room for manouevre he tries a chip, but the keeper catches it above his head easily.

  • 71'

    Terrible touch from Wright-Phillips.

  • 69'

    And as I say that, Kislitchin steps in from the right and fizzes a cross shot wide.

  • 68'

    There's not really very much to say about the not very much that's going on here.

  • 67'

    Wright-Phillips, after nauseating Rooney by not running for a pass, redeems himself by winning a throw.

  • 66'

    Kukeyev robs the slumbering Johnson, but he recovers well.

  • 66'

    The corner misses everyone and goes out for a goal kick.

  • 65'

    Poor free kick, but Mokin knocks it behind clumsily.

  • 64'

    The free kick is no use and Kazakhstan break, to no avail.

  • 64'

    Barreth Garry is tripped in centrefield.

  • 63'

    Karpovich curls it over the wall with his right foot, but it's over the bar as well.

  • 62'

    Free kick to Kazakhstan 30 or so yards out, a little right of centre.

  • 61'

    A shot of Walcott in his suit, and accompanying goatee and pair of diamond earrings. He looks a very silly little boy.

  • 59'

    Lord Treisman is necking a glass of wine. You're meant to get a banning order for drinking in sight of the pitch. I for one would not miss him.

  • 57'

    Skorykh shoots wide from 30 yards after a decent build up.

  • 56'

    Better corner, but Barry and Terry are just unable to make contact.

  • 56'

    Rooney is running around demanding the ball now. This behaviour is often followed by rash tackle and a booking. England win a corner.

  • 55'

    Gerrard hits a diagonal ball from right to left, but it's easily cut out.

  • 54'

    Khazakstan are looking a little tired now. Perhaps they watched highlights of the first 45 at half time.

  • 54'

    Lampard's pass is loose, but Rooney picks it up and finds Gerrard, whose shot is deflected over, but no corner is given.

  • 51'

    Lampard's free kick, dedicated to the memory of his dearly beloved guinea pig Robert, is rubbish.

  • 51'

    Wight-Phillips, who looks like he's about to trip over his arms when he runs, wriggles away from two defenders, and is fouled.

  • 50'

    Barry Gareth wins it, but his shot it blocked and so is Gerrard's.

  • 49'

    Rooney's ball to Gerrard is too long, but England win a throw anyway.

  • 49'

    Rubbish cross from Lampard.

  • 48'

    Ball given away to Heskey from a throw, and he's brought down. Should have been a yellow really.

  • 46'

    Not much happening. Funny that.

  • 46'

    Shaun Wright-Phillips is on for England, replacing Walcott.

  • 45'

    This game would be over, save for the fact that it scarcely began. One can only imagine at the turgidity that awaits in the second half, which is when I'll see you again, as it's half time.

  • 45'

    Gerrard's aimless punt is deflected, and Makin, caught off his line, can only palm to where goalscoring machine Heskey is waiting, and even he can't miss.

  • 45'

    GOAL! Khazakstan 0 - England 2

  • 44'

    The England fans sing the dirgetastic national anthem. If ever there was a football song, this is not it.

  • 43'

    Karpovich's shot is blocked away by Upson.

  • 43'

    Poor touch from Rooney. He's not been in the game so far, although he's had no service.

  • 41'

    Walcott is sporting an I've just begun puberty goatee and looks suitably stupid.

  • 41'

    Barry robs Kurkeyev and passes towards Rooney,but his flick is intercepted.

  • 39'

    Lampard takes a corner short on the left, Gerrard crosses to the back post with his right foot, and Barry Gareth celebrates his burgeoning bank balance with a goal, heading in across Mokin.

  • 39'

    GOAL! Khazakstan 0 - 1 England

  • 39'

    There will be all manner of Latin gesticulation going on in the England dressing room at half time.

  • 39'

    Good ball in, but it's cleared.

  • 38'

    Free kick to Kazakhstan in a good position wide on the right. Kurkeyev with it.

  • 38'

    The movement is useless too.

  • 37'

    England have no snap in their passing and Terry is lucky to get away with a sloppy one.

  • 36'

    Upson cuts out a decent cross.

  • 36'

    Terry jumps early to win the header, but he can't get any power on his effort and the keeper catches it easily.

  • 36'

    Barry manages to win a corner.

  • 35'

    Walcott's attempted cross is blocked.

  • 32'

    Cross from the byline taken easily by Green, but Johnson has been exposed a few times - not easy when you bear in mind he's already wearing corn rows.

  • 31'

    Corner to England which Lampard will take.

  • 31'

    Corner to England which Lampard will take.

  • 29'

    Lots of holding at the resultant corner, but the referee gives nothing.

  • 29'

    Good move from England, working the ball cleverly and quickly after a poor kick out from Mokin, but Heskey's shot hit a divot and was turned behind.

  • 27'

    Barry loses the ball and it goes into touch. Ibrayev comes on and will play wide on the right.

  • 24'

    Ostapenko and his beard are limping along the touchline. That'll be it for him.

  • 23'

    Rooney shoots high from 25 yards after a flick from Gerrard. Bit better from England.

  • 23'

    Just looking at another replay of the disallowed goal, and Green was wandering lonely as a cloud in the middle of nowhere - he only just avoided making himself look like something of a clown.

  • 22'

    Barry is late on stamps on someone's ankle. In another game, that may have been a second yellow.

  • 21'

    For now, the home team are making benefit great nation of Kazakhstan - they're on top and passing it better than England.

  • 20'

    Some ballet on the left from Kirov (sorry), but the ball goes through to Green.

  • 19'

    Ozapenko has a rubbish shaved-under-the-chin beard.

  • 17'

    And the ball is headed in by Ozapenko, but the linesman has put his flag up. Meanwhile the game continues and is stopped for no apparent reason. Good call from the lino though.

  • 17'

    Free kick to Kazakhstan wide on the left.

  • 16'

    Barry Gareth is booked and will miss the game against Andorra on Wednesday night.

  • 16'

    And another ball hit into touch, this time by Upson. More like Downson.

  • 15'

    Johnson does well to hold on to the ball before promptly losing it.

  • 13'

    Really not much going on here.

  • 12'

    Green easily claims a long ball.

  • 12'

    And now Glen Johnson does the same.

  • 11'

    Terry hits a diagonal ball in the direction of Gerrard, but it's nowhere near him.

  • 11'

    Heskey flicks on to Gerrard but his touch is heavy.

  • 9'

    Yellow card for Nuserbaev for blocking a free kick.

  • 9'

    A bad school shirt is what this England kit is like. They need a stripey tie to complete the look.

  • 7'

    Rooney flicks on to Heskey, and he does enough to win a throw.

  • 6'

    Capello is looking animated on the touchline. Lampard belts the ball high and wide for no reason.

  • 5'

    Barry looks for Gerrard but his pass isn't good enough. Perhpas he's thinking about how much money he'll earn at City, because it certainly isn't the medals he's going to win.

  • 4'

    Kurkeyev runs at Johnson but he manages to put in a tackle and win the throw.

  • 3'

    Walcott breaks clear and looks to cut the ball back, but instead toes it harmlessly behind. He'll be blaming the pitch for that.

  • 3'

    The pitch is pretty bumpy.

  • 2'

    A long hoof from Lampard towards Rooney drifts out of play.

  • 1'

    Johnson caught out down the England right, Ostapenko had as good chance as he'll probabaly ger, but he mishit his finish and Terry smothered the follow up.

  • 1'

    Anyway, enough of the Borat (for now). Kazakhstan to kick off.

  •  

    There appears to be a full house here in Almatty, 25,000 of the Kazakh population taking time off from shooting bears.

  •  

    The only side who look more ridiculous than England's footballers are England's cricketers; and that was before they lost to Holland.

  •  

    And the Kazakh team: Mokin, Abdulin, Logvinenko, Kislitsin, Kirov, Kukeyev, Karpovich, Skorykh, Ibraev, Ostapenko, Nuserbaev.

  •  

    Regarding the England team, Robert Green makes his first start, replacing everyone's favourite computer game player/model/selector of white suits, Calamity David James. Other than that, it's the side that has served Fabio Cappello so well in his short time as manager.

  •  

    England's new shirt really is a piece of nonsense. I wonder if there'll be an orchestrated removal of the tracksuit tops prior to the national anthem, as there was before the last game.

  •  

    And today's teams: Well, no one seems to have the Kazakh team, so for now you'll have to make do with England's: Green, Johnson, Terry, Upson, A Cole, Walcott, Barry, Lampard, Gerrard, Rooney, Heskey. Subs: Robinson, Lescott, Bridge, Defoe, Wright-Phillips, Beckham, Crouch.

COMPLETE TEAM CLOSE X
Goal Shot Video
  •  
  • Shots (on goal)

  • tackles

  • Fouls

  • possession

  • Kazakhstan

  • 4(0)

  • -

  • 7

  • 42%

    58%

  • England

  • 16(10)

  • -

  • 9

Match Stats

  • Kazakhstan
  • England
4(0) Shots (on goal) 16(10)
7 Fouls 9
0 Corner kicks 6
2 Offsides 1
42% Time of Possession 58%
2 Yellow Cards 1
0 Red Cards 0
9 Saves 0