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Blog - The Toe Poke

Pele vs. Coutinho on Xbox

The Toe Poke
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 By Chris Wright

BBC Sport commentator turns Hull City match preview into work of art

How to make sure people read your Hull preview...

Faced with the prospect of hammering out a match preview for Saturday afternoon's fairly nondescript Premier League fixture between Hull and Swansea City, BBC commentator Alistair Mann decided to jazz things up a bit.

Mann cobbled together a wonderfully impressive 30-line poem to set the scene for the game at the KC Stadium.

Why, it even rhymes and everything! Here's Mann's masterful work in full:

"Back in April, all was well, the Tigers roar was loud,

The Swans they left defeated, the home fans'...

 By Chris Wright

Norwegian side SK Brann unveil rubbery new 'weatherproof' kit

Found on the icy shores of the Norwegian Sea, the coastal city of Bergen, Norway, is famous for its magnificent fjords, its gigantic seaport, its football club and its almost omnipresent drizzle.

The aforementioned club, SK Brann, have taken steps to combat the persistent wintry rain that tends to envelope most of their Norwegian Tippeligaen fixtures by launching a new kit specifically designed to cope with the biting cold -- being, as it is, made entirely from red PVC rubber.

The results are really...

 By Chris Wright

World's oldest professional footballer signs on for one more year

Kazuyoshi Miura, affectionally known as King Kazu, is still playing competitive football at 48.

Football has seen its fair share of golden oldies over the years, with a host of players defying medical science to make it past the big "4-0" mark without succumbing to the rigours of age.

That said, it's usually the goalkeepers who make it deep into their forties before bowing out, though veteran outfielders like Ryan Giggs, Javier Zanetti, Paolo Maldini, Teddy Sheringham and Rivaldo have all bucked that trend in recent-ish years.

However, one man putting all of those fly-by-night whippersnappers...

 By Chris Wright

Celtic striker offers to replace stolen Christmas presents

A father from Edinburgh was recently left with the unenviable chore of having to find the money to re-buy all of his young son's Christmas presents after having his house burgled just a week or so before the big day.

However, completely out of the blue, Michael Wright (a season-ticket holder at Hearts) was contacted by a Good Samaritan who offered to replace all of the stolen gifts -- the majority of which were intended for his five-year-old son.

TOE POKE: FOOTBALL FUNNIES

- The Wall: Newspaper's De Gea tribute
- Cheeky t-shirt: Man Utd fans poke fun at Gerrard
- Mud, glorious mud: Club World Cup farce
- Foot flap: West Brom player's gruesome injury
- Wenger is Frozen: Funny Arsenal manager parody
- Pecs appeal: Crouch copies Ronaldo
- Him again: Crouch goes crowd surfing

- World Cup bonanza: Gotze's boot sells for millions

That Good Samiritan was none other than Celtic striker...

 By Chris Wright

Everton players tell their worst Christmas cracker jokes

As we approach Christmas, the Everton squad have donned their finest dodgy festive jumpers to reel off their favourite cracker jokes -- each more groan-inducing than the last.

TOE POKE: FOOTBALL FUNNIES

- The Wall: Newspaper's De Gea tribute
- Cheeky t-shirt: Man Utd fans poke fun at Gerrard
- Mud, glorious mud: Club World Cup farce
- Foot flap: West Brom player's gruesome injury
- Wenger is Frozen: Funny Arsenal manager parody
- Pecs appeal: Crouch copies Ronaldo
- Him again: Crouch goes crowd surfing

- World Cup bonanza: Gotze's boot sells for millions

While the likes of Leighton Baines, Steven Naismith and Roberto Martinez are all suitably appalled by the punchlines on offer, Leon Osman is in his absolute element as he bangs out zinger after dreadful zinger.


Dortmund pause play for an opponent

Do nice guys finish first? As long they're not last come May, Dortmund will probably be happy

From our friends at the Soccer Gods comes a nice story which proves that, even when you are at rock-bottom, you are can still look out for your fellow professionals. 

Despite being desperate for points to escape the relegation zone in the Bundesliga, Borussia Dortmund were quite happy to pause while Hetha Berlin's Per Ciljan fixed his footwear. 

Good on you, lads!

TOE POKE: FOOTBALL FUNNIES

- The Wall: Newspaper's De Gea tribute
- Cheeky t-shirt: Man Utd fans poke fun at Gerrard
- Mud, glorious mud: Club World Cup farce
- Foot flap: West Brom player's gruesome injury
- Wenger is Frozen: Funny Arsenal manager parody
- Pecs appeal: Crouch copies Ronaldo
- Him again: Crouch goes crowd surfing

- World Cup bonanza: Gotze's boot sells for millions