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Blog - The Toe Poke

Cristiano Ronaldo impression, as performed by Francesco Totti

Cristiano Ronaldo is so famous that even his footballing peers like to do impression of him. The Real Madrid maestro emitted a rather odd noise when he won the FIFA Ballon d'Or earlier this month, but evidently there is someone who is keen to take the crown of "Social Media King" away from him.

That man is Roma legend Francesco Totti who, after his selfie antics, has now taken to doing some rather funny impersonations, as noted by teammate Marco Borriello.

 By Chris Wright

St. Pauli players score after five seconds despite not taking the kick-off

What's faster than the "Route One" approach in football? Why, the "Route Zero" approach of course, wherein a given team simply go all out and take an instant pot-shot at goal directly from kick-off, usually resulting in the concession of a slightly embarrassing goal-kick/throw-in.

There are several examples of the direct approach paying off, with several teams scoring in under 10 seconds after catching the opposing keeper unaware directly from the first whistle.

However, we think St Pauli's reserve...

 By Chris Wright

Arsenal's Mesut Ozil sends heartfelt message to his Twitter fans

Defiantly perched atop his garden steps like Winston Churchill in his younger days, Mesut Ozil has delivered a stirring sermon from his mount to thank his vast legions of social media followers for their unerring support over the years.

Word of warning: You may want to have a silken handkerchief nearby in case the raw passion on display causes you to involuntarily cry tears of pure emotion.

 By Chris Wright

Google poke fun at Tottenham's "lackadaisical" defence

Tottenham fans who are aggrieved at the relatively hefty amount of goals their side are shipping lately might want to give Google's dictionary a bit of a wide berth at the moment.

Some jaunty scamp out there (and we're going to go out on a limb and suggest it may have been an Arsenal fan in Google's tech department) has altered the definition of the word "lackadaisical" on the search engine's auto-dictionary function in order to have a cheeky dig at Spurs' porous back four!

 By Chris Wright

Barcelona star Dani Alves shows off new 'teddy bear' trainers

Proving, once again, that wealth is no measure of taste, Lionel Messi has taken to Instagram to share Dani Alves' brand-new trainers with the world.

Presumably costing an absolute fortune, Alves' customised sneakers are not only bright, glittery and golden -- they also have a teddy bear's head sewn into the tongues. Because? Fashion, that's why.

 By Chris Wright

FA Cup shocks almost net gambler £1,000,000

One punter correctly called Middlesbrough beating Manchester City in the FA Cup but they fell short at the final hurdle after Bolton drew with Liverpool.

Most bookies are usually left rubbing their hands together with glee after a weekend chock-full of footballing upsets, though the chaps over at Betfair came perilously close to paying out one million pounds when one of their customers' FA Cup accumulator came within a whisper of paying off.

Staking 10 pounds on a five-fold accumulator, the punter bet on a series of FA Cup shocks, backing Middlesbrough to beat Man City, Leicester to beat Tottenham amd Crystal Palace to beat Southampton.

The five-fold...