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 By Chris Wright

This Baywatch/Bundesliga stars mash-up will haunt your dreams

German magazine 11 Freunde put Bundesliga coaches' faces on Baywatch stars bodies
German magazine 11 Freunde put the faces of Bundesliga figures on the bodies of Baywatch stars.

Consider this your warning. What you're about to see is so harrowing that it may affect your sleep patterns for months to come.

The latest edition of German football magazine 11 Freunde contains a preview of the forthcoming Bundesliga season -- and the cover is truly terrifying.

Specifically, it features the mash-up that nobody asked for and none of us ever needed to see: German coaches and Baywatch.

The team at 11 Freunde have taken an image of the Baywatch team, clad in the famous red swimsuits...

 By Chris Wright

Arsenal fans to be entertained by Gru and minions at Emirates Cup

With Arsenal set to host the ninth incarnation of the Emirates Cup this coming weekend, the club have invited some very special guests along for the occasion.

As if the competition itself wasn't enticing enough, it has been confirmed that super-villain Gru and several minions (of "Despicable Me" fame) will be dispatched to entertain the crowd.

Alexis Sanchez may well end up sitting the Emirates Cup out, but Gunners fans can at least still console themselves that there will be other diminutive, equally...

 By Chris Wright

Cristiano Ronaldo gets locked out of hotel room in underwear in new ad

Another day, another commercial starring Cristiano Ronaldo in his underwear.

This time we see Real Madrid's finest accidentally locking himself out of his hotel room while wearing nothing but his smalls, only to be snapped by a mischievous maid.

It's good to see how fast I'm "shared" in the United States 🤣👍🏽 #RonaldoFaster

A post shared by Cristiano Ronaldo (@cristiano) on

The resulting photo then goes viral in an instant, much to the embarrassment of Ronaldo and his meticulously oiled torso.

The scrapes he gets himself into (while traipsing around in his pants). Unbelievable.

Chris covers the funny side of the game for ESPN FC in the Toe Poke blog.

 By Chris Wright

Chelsea stars toughened up by training session with Shaolin monk

As part of their preseason jaunt around Asia, Chelsea acquired the services of a Shaolin monk to help put the squad through their paces.

As such, Blues quartet Gary Cahill, Marcos Alonso, Thibaut Courtois and Willy Caballero were put through a series of gruelling drills under the instruction of their 34th-generation monk tutor.

Anybody who has seen the movie "Shaolin Soccer" will also be aware that these monks are also truly exceptional footballers, as well as world-renowned martial arts experts.

To...

 By Chris Wright

Arsenal's Mesut Ozil shows why he's such a cool customer in ice chamber

With just 15 days until the return of the Premier League, players are beginning to knuckle down and really start to fine tune their various preparations for the new season.

Mesut Ozil is one such player, with the Arsenal midfielder sharing a photo of himself shivering away in an icy cryotherapy chamber as part of his conditioning regime.

"They said 'Mesut you have to be ice-cold in front of goal'. Okay, I'll try my best," the Arsenal midfield joked, desperately trying to put a brave face on it.

Apparently...

 By Chris Wright

Zlatan Ibrahimovic compares himself to King Kong in Instagram post

Having seen his short stint with Manchester United fizzle to something of an anticlimax last season, you may be forgiven for assuming that Zlatan Ibrahimovic's confidence may have taken a knock in recent months.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth, as the 35-year-old free agent's last few Instagram posts duly prove.

King and Kong

A post shared by IAmZlatan (@iamzlatanibrahimovic) on

Firstly he looked utterly nonplussed about being immortalised on a Swedish banknote like it was an everyday occurrence, only to follow up by assuming a state of undress...