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Zenit sign Bart Simpson

The Toe Poke 19 hours ago
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 Posted by Chris Wright
19 hours ago

Zenit sign Bart Simpson

Kudos must go to Zenit Saint Petersburg for somehow managing to eclipse Manchester United's imminent acquisition of Radamel Falcao by pulling off the highest-profile transfer deadline day signing in the history of the game.

We're not sure how he passed a medical, but Zenit have snapped up 10-year-old wonderkid Bart Simpson!

 Posted by Chris Wright
21 hours ago

Luis Suarez returns to Liverpool bearing gifts for Steven Gerrard

Having left to join Barcelona back in July, Luis Suarez returned to Liverpool's Melwood training centre on transfer deadline of all days to both, a) give excitable Reds fans heart palpitations over a shock return and, slightly less spectacularly, b) pick up a few personal possessions he left behind upon departing for the Camp Nou.

For reasons unknown, Suarez also presented his former skipper Steven Gerrard with a signed Barca shirt before traipsing around Melwood, retrieving his bits and bobs an...

 Posted by Chris Wright
23 hours ago

Polish journalist scores outrageous penalty at Legia Warsaw's stadium

You'll have to forgive us as the details are a little sketchy, but the weekend just gone saw the annual TVN exhibition football match take place at Legia Warsaw's stadium with a team made up of Polish celebrities and politicians taking on a side of TVN journalists, presenters and reporters in the name of charity.

The game eventually went to penalties, which was the point of the evening where one of the TVN journalists sensed his time to shine had truly come -- stepping up to the spot and bambooz...

 Posted by Chris Wright
2 days ago

Chris Kamara completely ignores Jeff Stelling three times

As you're no doubt aware, as far as his live broadcasting career goes, Chris Kamara has a reputation for being a little bit, shall we say ... unpredictable.

Need we remind you of the infamous "Fratton Park Incident" in 2010, wherein an utterly bewildered Kamara, stationed at Portsmouth's ground as Sky Sports' roving reporter, somehow managed to completely miss Pompey defender Anthony Vanden Borre being red-carded against Blackburn: the sole moment of note in an otherwise featureless 0-0 draw.

Ev...

 Posted by Chris Wright
2 days ago

Bayern Munich already have Xabi Alonso wearing lederhosen

Of all the weekends to sign with Bayern Munich, Xabi Alonso and Mehdi Benatia had to go and pick the one when the players talc up and pack themselves into little leather dungarees in order to pose for the Bavarian club's traditional pre-Oktoberfest Paulaner photo shoot.

Rather annoyingly, the immaculately dressed Spanish star still manages to pull off the lederhosen look with aplomb!

 Posted by Chris Wright
2 days ago

Fantastically pathetic own goal graces German match

We suspect there's a fairly good chance you missed Friday night's enthralling clash between SC Eltersdorf and Viktoria Aschaffenburg in the second division of the Bavarian Oberliga, the regional fifth tier of German football.

The two sides played out a pulsating 4-4 draw, though it was Aschaffenburg's Zamir Daudi who bagged the (own) goal of the night.

With the ball arriving at his feet in his own six-yard box, Daudi had two goes at attempting to hack it clear only to slice it horribly and send ...