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Blog - The Toe Poke

Toe Poke Christmas Special: Football's Dodgy Xmas Jumper Disasters

Whether we're talking about a studded leather straitjacket, a bleached-blonde "half beard" or indeed a full-length designer gentleman's skirt, footballers in general are no stranger to the odd sartorially questionable fashion blooper. Couple that with the current fad, the grim Christmas knitwear, and you've got yourself a stew goin', friends -- a thick, itchy, wool-flavoured stew with no redeeming features whatsoever. With our complete and utter disdain for anything remotely resembling "faux festive cheer" smouldering deep in our waters, we at Toe Poke decided to take a Grinch-like look at the worst of the dodgy footballing knitwear on offer this Yuletide. Liverpool's official store Available alongside the infamously hideous reversible Anfield jacket/matching shirt is this: the Reds' official Christmas Granny jumper. Still beats their away kit this season, mind you! Dixie Dean, Everton In a bid to spread some festive cheer before their recent game against Fulham, the Toffees dressed the statue of the club's record goal scorer outside Goodison Park in a Rudolph (the blue-nosed reindeer, in this case) cardigan truly befitting the great man. Ben Foster, West Brom Foster is nursing a rather nasty injury at the moment, so the Baggies keeper has had plenty of time to pursue his first love: modelling spectacularly naff Christmas jumpers on Twitter.

Have you got your Christmas jumper? @BenFoster has got his http://t.co/W6OelhFbPm #Englandsnumber1 pic.twitter.com/BzTx8DjIuy

— WBAFC Retail (@WestBromRetail) November 22, 2013

Phil Jagielka, Everton Here's an interesting bit of trivia for you: Jagielka has only picked up a single yellow card in his past 101 competitive games for club and country -- though he'd definitely have a straight red to his name for his taste in Yuletide knitwear if we had anything to do with it.

Fantastiska julkläder som Evertons spelare tvingas att bära http://t.co/AceBmpTqTi pic.twitter.com/D1kiQ5TZpJ

— Johannes Lindström (@johlindstrom) December 18, 2013
Now there's a jumper that contravenes several "elf and safety" regulations!

Ryan Shawcross and Asmir Begovic, Stoke City When even Jon Walters is slating you for looking awkward and out of place, you know your life has probably hit a low ebb.

@asmir1 @Ryanshawy Look at Beavis and Butthead...makes me feel sick! pic.twitter.com/KUqFvQTMht

— Jonathan Walters (@Jon_Walters_) November 29, 2013

Emmanuel Frimpong, Lukas Podolski, Per Mertesacker, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Lukasz Fabianski, Arsenal "Spreading festive cheer"? By the slightly anguished looks on their faces, we'd argue that the Gunners look more like they're "spreading the acute nausea bought on by gorging on one too many Brussels sprouts" ...

#Arsenal spreading top of the table cheer in a festive jumper photo shoot for @SavetheChildren. #XmasJumperDay #AFC pic.twitter.com/kkUaNUD63S

— Pitch (@pitchlondon) December 9, 2013

Cillian Sheridan, APOEL We suppose a begrudging doff of the cap is due to former St Johnstone striker Sheridan, who had the you-know-what to wear this festive monstrosity on live television for an interview with BBC Scotland's Sportscene back in 2011 ...

That Cillian Sheridan jumper in full, for those who can't get Sportscene. pic.twitter.com/AXCjVjvg

— Krys (@krys1888) December 18, 2011

Ravel Morrison and Carlton Cole, West Ham What's the only thing better than a Christmas jumper? A Christmas dressing gown of course -- not that Ravel is remotely impressed ...

PIC: @morrisonravel and @CarltonCole1 show a bit of early Christmas spirit at Chadwell Heath! #COYI pic.twitter.com/MXhXfPkxBh

— West Ham United FC (@whufc_official) November 5, 2013
Roll on Jan. 1, 2014, we say! Bah, humbug!