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Grant Holt: The Wrestler

Toe Poke

Snoop Dogg eyeing place on Celtic board, plans to host parties in executive boxes and sign David Beckham

Like Puffy Diddly Daddy (Crystal Palace) and Jay Zed (Arsenal) before him, Snoop Dogg - or 'Snoop Lion' as he now likes to be called, has signalled his interest in buying a stake in a British football club, namely Celtic after apparently falling in love with the SPL side after watching them slay Barcelona in the Champions League a week or so ago.

Snoop, who was once photographed in a Celtic shirt after a concert in Glasgow a few years ago, told the Daily Record:

"I didn't catch the whole Barcelona game but I watched the highlights. I know Barcelona are a big deal, and it shows Celtic are a big deal as well.

"I see how passionate Celtic fans are about their team and I could see myself making an investment if any of the board wanted to sell. I haven't really thought how much.

"I don't need to run a soccer club but enough of a percentage to get me on the board so I can be heard. I want to bring a bit of Snoop to things. I am passionate about my sport.

"The boxes at Celtic would never be the same once I have hosted a party there."

'Bringing a bit of Snoop to things' sounds like the kind of decision the Celtic board might instantly regret from a 'drug raid' perspective. Anyway, Mr Dogg/Lion also outlined his (slightly tenous) plan to coax David Beckham into signing for The Bhoys as his first order of duty:

"I asked my man David [Beckham] about Celtic and he was like, 'Yeah, teams don't come much bigger.

"I would try and sign him up for a season but he is pretty happy over here. LA is home for him and his family now - but I would have to at least make that offer to my boy.

"We have lunch when we can, so next time, you know, I am going to speak to him about it. Never say never."

We can see it now: Snoop and Rod Stewart locked in a teary embrace when Celtic clinch their next SPL title...

However, then Snoop went and blew his cover to smithereens when asked by the Record to pick his favourite Celtic player - fatefully making a choice that instantly outed him as a clueless bluffer:

"I like [Georgios] Samaras a lot. He looks like a proper athlete and is a pretty dangerous player. If we are to go far in Europe, he needs to play well."

Nice try Snoopy, you almost had us there, but Samaras? C'mon fella. The man looks and plays like a poisoned horse.