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Ronaldo's dodgy statue of his head

The Toe Poke
Read
 By Chris Wright

Mertesacker emptiness

What we have here is the Manic Street Preachers' 1992 hit "Motorcycle Emptiness" but with the original lyrics replaced with names of German footballers and retitled "Mertesacker Emptiness".

It is a work of sheer, undiluted brilliance.

Sometimes you've just got to sit back from your screen, doff your proverbial cap and offer a polite ripple of appreciative applause.